Fatty Patty Blow Up Dolls: A Surprising Revelation

The Night I Discovered a New Form of Pleasure

May 22nd, 2004 | 09:44 pm | Current Music: G.G. Allin

My brother’s recent marriage led us to a wild night at a budget-friendly college bar. The place was packed with aimless students who preferred drowning themselves in cheap beer instead of focusing on their education, which their parents had paid a fortune for.

To make things more bizarre, the crowd would lose it every time a Guns ‘N’ Roses song played, as if they were hearing it for the first time. It reminded me of the skating rink days, where girls would go crazy whenever a “New Kids on the Block” song started. Instead of skates, it was just beer. Quite unsettling, to say the least.

Later, we ended up at a porn shop for more drunken shenanigans. As my friends giggled and gawked at various adult toys, I found myself considering a “Fatty Patty” blow up doll or a “Chasey Lain pocket pussy.” Although I’m not personally attracted to larger figures, the idea of experiencing the sensation of a curvier companion aroused my curiosity. With my girlfriend two hours away and unwilling to surrender myself to some intoxicated college fling, I sought the store clerk’s advice. She recommended the more expensive option, the pocket pussy, as the superior choice. I caved and made the purchase, blaming my intoxicated state for the questionable decision-making. After all, who wouldn’t want a molded pussy based on Chasey Lain’s own anatomy?

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Eager to try out my new acquisition, I rushed upstairs as soon as we arrived home. The experience was mind-blowing. I went at it like a jackhammer, utterly satisfied. But to my dismay, I discovered a massive tear in the toy, barely held together by a sliver of rubber. I felt both irritated and slightly flattered. How many people can say they’ve unintentionally damaged Chasey Lain’s pussy? Perhaps they design these products for men with micropenises. I won’t boast about my size, but it’s safe to say it’s adequate. Yet, I wouldn’t engage with anyone from this site, be it for cybersex or anything else. Those infected with AIDS don’t even deserve the satisfaction of my verbal assault. Screw all of you.

Enraged by the faulty purchase, I contemplated returning it. However, my inebriated friends dismissed the notion, and the store likely wouldn’t have accepted the used toy anyway. So, I salvaged what I could and repurposed the dick tube for pleasing myself. In fact, I plan on doing just that once I finish writing this.

A month later, I found myself back in a porn shop, killing time before work. Lo and behold, an entire shelf displayed Fatty Patty blow up dolls, priced at a mere $19.99. Without hesitation, I claimed one as my own. In fact, I even skipped work to have my way with this new seductress. I explored all three of her love holes, finding that Fatty Patty surpassed the pocket pussy in every aspect.

Initially, I thought of comparing the blow-up doll to the pocket pussy in this entry. However, after experiencing the undeniable superiority of Fatty Patty, I decided to pit her against a real woman. So, congratulations! You’ve just wasted your time reading all this! The joke’s on you, pal.

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Now, let’s explore why the Fatty Patty Doll reigns supreme over actual human partners:

Reasons Why Fatty Patty Doll Exceeds Real Women:

  • She’ll never refuse your advances, irrespective of her mood.
  • Despite her size, she only craves one thing from you.
  • Inflating her takes less time than convincing a woman to sleep with you.
  • She won’t demand expensive gifts, saving you a fortune.
  • Need a blowjob after some intense action? Fatty Patty delivers.
  • No clitoral stimulation? No problem.
  • Fatty Patty doesn’t need to hear those three little words.
  • She won’t complain about never going out.
  • Her mouth is always open, but she remains silent.
  • She won’t fight over the TV remote.
  • She’s perpetually naked, ready for instant pleasure.
  • Fed up with her? Deflate her and store her away.
  • No chance of getting any nasty pubes stuck in your teeth.
  • She’s willing to share the experience with your friends without any awkwardness.
  • You can indulge in rough play without fearing police intervention.
  • Feel free to release as much as you desire; she won’t conceive.
  • The toilet seat will forever remain in its upright position.
  • When you’re done with her, there’s no chance of her showing up at 3 a.m., inebriated and begging for reconciliation.

And that’s enough of that.

Fatty Patty Blow Up Doll

Fatty Patty Blow Up Doll

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